Now, I know poker has had its rise in popular culture and has reached a climax. Even so, I felt like I was doing something that could work for a while - and it did. For those six months, I was making 25/hr. I would leave at 9 am with 400 in my pocket and come home with 800 or 600 or 1000 or 100 or 0 or 500. It was such a unique type of living and I was pulling it off. I was really doing it.
Of course, things started to turn downhill. I started to pay back my debts to Annie and to those who got me through school. The bankroll started to dwindle. The bills started to pile and I felt the pressure at the tables. During the height of my six month run, I won 16 sessions in a row. After the pressure started to mount, I had a hard time winning 3 in a row. I wasn't myself. I was playing differently, less aggressive. It didn't help that I started to get incredibly unlucky during this span. The combination of the dwindling bankroll, the loss of confidence in my game, and outdraw after outdraw, it was tough to keep up. After a while, I could not.
It has been nearly 3 months since my last session at a casino. 3 months can give you some perspective. I have learned a lot about myself through the time I spent playing poker. I learned that I can really do it. FACT: I made a living playing poker. I learned that the saying is right on. "Poker is a hard way to make an easy living." FACT: This shit is hard. Putting in the hours is just as stressful as an office job. In some ways, it is more stressful, more difficult, and scarier. I was my own boss. I had to show up on time and I was responsible for everything. Money management is extremely important. Not just in poker but in life as well.
If I were to make a come back, and that is a big IF, it would be under different circumstances. My bankroll would be safe. I would have no debts to anyone. In order to do this, I would have to somehow get a hold of around 38k. That is why the IF is so big. Lots of things would have to happen. BUT, if this were to happen, the 38k, I believe I could really make a run at it. The situation would be set up nicely. My routine from Chicago to Indiana was smooth. The only thing that I could see as a problem would be the gas necessary for the vehicle I used. If I were to make a run at it in some other city, it would most likely be even more smooth.
Until I either realize that I do not want to play poker anymore OR get the perfect situation to maximize my EV, I will have my boring new life and the memories of what once was. You know the bad taste never leaves.
